I don’t know if everyone is like this, but stagnancy scares the shit out of me. When I am stagnant, I get complacent and lazy. I feel stunted and the chances of my depression and anxiety increasing skyrocket.
But then there’s the fear of change and the fear of moving forward. The fear of failing when we attempt something new. The fear of discovering our limitations and the disappointment we feel because we thought we were more. The fear that we maybe just can’t do it.
To me, these two demons are always at war with one another.
I’m working towards moving forward in my career, but it’s so hard when the little voice in the back of your mind tells you that you’ve reached your limit. It’s magnified when you apply and interview regularly, but to no avail. It’s magnified when you apply and all you get back is an email saying they won’t be moving forward with an interview even though you’re more than qualified. When you don’t have experience, but you have all the qualifications, you are truly at the mercy of the interviewer and the employer.
I just need one of them to see potential in me and to bet on me. Giving me the chance to learn, grow and prove myself.
I think this may be an epidemic that is occurring across professions. The market is saturated with the older generations having all the experience and so the newer generation is stuck on the ladder because the jobs are taken by those who have experience. Even if you’re more qualified than they are. Experience is the currency and we aren’t given a chance to gain any.
Though my hopes may be under attack, I won’t give up. I’ll keep trying until someone gives me a chance to show that my qualifications are only the beginning of who I am as an employee. That my experience as a school teacher and a leader of a department have all given me a greater understanding of what is needed from an (assistant) principal.
It may feel like I am stuck and stagnant where I am, but that’s because I have nothing more to gain as a teacher. Yet, I have so much to give still.
This is just another step I need to experience in my own personal growth. Personal growth is just as important as professional growth.
And I’m here for it all.