Tag Archives: happiness

Why Makeup is so Important to Me

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Why Makeup is so Important to Me

I create this amazing picture and post of an item I absolutely love, but often find myself hesitating to post it onto Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. As my thumb hovers over the “post” button, I am awash with worry. Am I posting too many pictures of this makeup? Am I being pushy with my love for this brand?  My biggest fear is that I’m becoming that dreaded spammer that everyone hates. 

Do my friends and followers think I’m spamming them? Do they feel I’m pushing them to buy a product they have no interest in? Am I blowing up their timeline? 

Surprisingly, there are many times I cancel my post and save it for later or for never (eventually being lost in the labyrinth my phone album filled with 6000+ photos). 

And the dreaded day came, an acquaintance of mine sent me a message on Facebook telling me that she didn’t know why she was seeing so many of my posts (aka it was blowing up her feed) and that she believes that I’m beautiful with or without makeup (as if to tell me not to try so hard- at what? I have no idea).

The new reveal that my favorite makeup company, Younique, came out with on July 1st (3D Fiber Lashes Plus) got me all excited again about sharing all these amazing products with my friends and followers. But it didn’t squash my apprehension and anxiety over how others will take it. Not one bit. 

Being the reflective person I am, I spent some time thinking about why this makeup is so important to me. Why I still post about it and haven’t given up on it yet (like I’ve given up on Pure Romance, for example). 

I definitely don’t wear it for others. Not for any man or any woman. I often wear makeup when I’m not doing anything or not even leaving the house for the day. 

And I love love love playing with my makeup and experimenting with it when I’m home alone. 

I started wearing makeup late in my teens (like 19 years old!). My family looked down on people who did and often scoffed at any “girly-ness” that is exhibited. The tomboy I was as a child wasn’t natural for me. It was forced. I admired the women and girls that got to do up their hair and wear makeup and dress fashionably, while my hair was disheveled (my father often called me a cheetah) and covered at all times when in public; I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup of any kind; and always dressed super conservatively. 

To top it all off, I had a terribly thick unibrow- a special gift from my father- and a mustache! Yes, a mustache! (It was such an embarrassment). 

So imagine having to maneuver the world of beauty and makeup when you’re already an adult. And not waiting that long because you chose to, but because you weren’t allowed to. 

These are some of the reasons why I embrace makeup and fashion and hold them so dear to me. 

I wear makeup for me, because I love it. Not because I wear it for others. 
But why Younique? 

I used to be a Sephora addict. Buying all this expensive makeup that I wear for maybe a month and then for some reason it no longer feels right and I no longer like how it makes me look. Not a single makeup product I bought from Sephora was ever used up in its entirety. I always ended up throwing the makeup away when (in the best case) I’d only used up half of it and (in the worst case) I’d used it a handful of times and then “lost” it in my makeup drawers and then had to throw it out when I realized it’s been expired for a year already. 

In the few years I’ve been wearing makeup (before switching to Younique) I threw away hundreds (thousands?) of dollars on my makeup. Yes. Threw money away. I may as well just have flushed the cash down the toilet. (This is when I feel like I’m a telemarketer with all my cliches that ring so true)

Not only does Younique make the best mascara but I’ve used every single Younique product I’ve purchased. Until there wasn’t a drop left. 

I have so many reasons why I love this stuff and want to share it with everyone. And when I think about all of this, I realize that this is why I am so passionate about this brand. 

I wish I could get angry at myself for letting how others react to what I post affect me. But it is who I am. I care about how people perceive me and I care about what I do that affects them (even when they can just unfollow or unfriend me or choose to hide my posts).

I will continue to post on social media all about the wonderful brand of makeup that I use and I will continue to fight the apprehensions I have at how others will react. 

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Balance & Blessings

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Balance & Blessings

In light of what happened recently, I have grown more focused on the blessings I have in my life. I truly believe that there must always be balance in our lives. Otherwise, we’d be thrown into turmoil that often presents itself as stress. And since my uncle and father reached out to me attempting to shame me, I feel surrounded by a lot of negativity.

My effort to balance the negativity out is to focus on the good that is happening around me.

First of all, the astounding supportive response on social media has overwhelmed me with the realization that I am surrounded by positive loving people. For that I am truly grateful.

Second, I have the best boyfriend in the world. Through everything we’ve experienced together, he continues to be understanding and supportive. I have not met and I know I will not come across a better man than he. He is so much more to me than just a boyfriend, he is my partner, my companion, my supporter and my comforter. For him I am truly blessed.

Third, I have a job that I love. This is something I didn’t even know existed last year. Working at the school I did, brought me to the verge of quitting teaching completely. The students at the school I work at today are the best anyone could ask for. I love them very much and if it were up to me, I’d be their English teacher next year and the year after. For them I am truly honored.

Fourth, I have family that are quick to respond and always have my back. Our relationship may not be the best, but I’ve grown to be very appreciative of my sisters and my mother. They have shown that no matter the path I take, and no matter what others may think of us, we are still family and will support each other through the ups and downs. For them I am truly humbled.

Finally, I am reminded each and everyday how blessed I am to be who I am, to have the healthy body that I inhabit, to be of sound mind and clear judgement. This is what affirms to me the existence of a higher being and makes me feel complete. I am grateful for what many take for granted (my health, wealth and wellbeing) and others wish they had. For that I am very thankful.

A Letter To My Mom & I Hope She Doesn’t Read It.

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A Letter To My Mom & I Hope She Doesn’t Read It.

My mother asked me a question recently that I conveniently ignored. However, it’s been weighing on my mind for quite some days now.

She asked me why my sisters are straying from our beliefs and faith so much. She asked it as if she had no idea where she went wrong. In my mind, I wanted to shake her and my father as well. Yet, I had no idea how to answer her.

The conservative in me still cringes when I see my sisters’ Instagram posts. Pictures of them in various states of undress- yet no more undressed than your average American. Just in a state that my religion (or those who follow it) would balk at and have a hissy fit. But I couldn’t blame them. They were free to finally make up their mind. To do things their own way. To follow what they chose. Yet, a part of me still cringed at the images and I didn’t know why. I wasn’t any better than them. I wasn’t more religious or conservative.

Then it came to me. In my mind I whispered to her, Do you not see? You and father crushed us. You oppressed us. You took away our sense of individuality. You made us feel shabby and ugly. You made us wish we were like “normal” American families because they had simple freedoms- like the right to formulate their own opinions, like the permission to wear makeup. Don’t you see? You pulled the rubber band so far back that the only path it had was to the ultimate extreme opposite of what you were trying to teach us.

As I spoke, I became more confident in what I was saying, as if the lightbulb of my brain went Aha! I continued with a steadier, stronger voice, We weren’t being taught humility as you thought- we were being taught conformity. We weren’t being taught pride in our faith, we were being taught contempt of others. We weren’t being taught love, we were being taught fear. How else do you expect us to respond when your punishment for not memorizing a passage from the holy book was to threaten taking away our education and marrying us off young (and though you’d never have done that we still believed it)? Isn’t our religion one that preaches balance and peace? Why did we turn our noses up at people who were “less religious” than us, then? Why did we not have balance in our views and our lives? Everything was haram, or forbidden. Everything fun and happy. Even when it really wasn’t. We still turned our noses up and condemned those acts as “weak”. Secretly, I envied them; I wished I could go to the movies with my friends and wear a little bit of makeup and trim back my eyebrows. Yes, these may seem petty and insignificant, but when you live everyday in fear that your mother will tell your father and then you’d get beat, it means a lot. These are just some of the reasons why we have turned out the way we have. It’s time to just accept it and keep us in your prayers.

Though I do not have the heart to tell her this face to face, I know she’ll read it here even though I wish she wouldn’t. I know it wasn’t all on her. She tried. She thought she was doing right. But she still bears part of the responsibility in how we turned out. Yes, my father prophecied, almost every day, that we will become infidels and follow satan. And to a child, hearing that daily, well obviously will negatively affect a child’s psyche. No one ever reassured us and said, “You are wonderful, God would be so proud of you.” The damage is done.

Fin.