It’s impossible to be 100% confident and secure in yourself 100% of the time. And this week, I hit a few bumps on my continuous journey of self love.
Up until about four or five years ago, I had very little self esteem and zero self worth. The last five years have been a rollercoaster ride as I worked on building a healthier relationship with my body and altering my mindset. In the last year or two, I’ve made great strides.
This does not mean that I don’t have my down days. And yesterday was one of them. I slipped back into my self hating mindset and saw nothing beautiful when I looked in the mirror.
Despite this bout of depressed thinking, I still went to the gym and attempted to go about my day as best as I could.
This morning, I woke up feeling better, but I didn’t forget my relapse. The issue with us is when we relapse we convince ourselves that we slid all the way back to square one and so give up.
But what I’ve learned over the years is that it’s natural to relapse. And it’s ok to feel beat down. However, we MUST keep trying and keep moving forward. My relapses are much shorter now and I don’t slide back as far when I do.
Every new day is just that- a new day. We have to pick ourselves back up, dust off our knees, and keep going because our happiness is at stake.
We only have one body to live in. And one life to live. Love your body and live your life so that in the end one life enough. Self hate has no room here; it may visit once in a while, but it’s never allowed to stay.
I don’t regret things. Or at least I’m trying not to. I’d rather learn from my mistakes instead of look back and say “I wish such and such never happened” or “I wish I never did such and such” or “I wish I didn’t accept such and such”.
I used to resent the choices my parents made: to continue their marriage long after it was over, to move to and live in certain places in the world, to accept giving/receiving abuse, and to have so many children. But now, when I look back at their choices, I am grateful because without them, I wouldn’t have learned and decided on what I will and won’t accept in my own life as an adult.
Yes, some things just aren’t necessary and can easily be regretted, like the time I stayed in a relationship for three years when I knew it was over a year into it. Or when I had zero self esteem and confidence and let people walk all over me. Or boiling a bag of frozen chicken pieces with the bag still covering the chicken. Or the time I said something insensitive to a friend and realized it too late. But some of these mistakes I have to learn and grow from on my own.
Sometimes our mistakes are so painful, they’re easy to regret. We don’t understand the lessons behind them. But one day, they won’t hurt as much. One day we will understand.
Regret just hurts. It’s the disease of the mind. It brings us down, depresses us. It quells our desires and passions. It casts a shadow over everything we do. It makes us only a sliver of who we really are. Regret isn’t worth the damage it causes our minds and souls.
I’m working on looking back at my past choices and mistakes and saying, “I learned never to do such and such again” or “Such and such isn’t happening again” or “I won’t accept such and such anymore”. It’s worth the effort; to look at our mistakes as kernels of wisdom. If we didn’t experience them we wouldn’t have grown wiser from the lessons they taught us.